I've been training in acting seriously since 2003: SPARC, CFA, ComedySportz, AMDA, LACC, Killian's Commercial Workshop, DFAS, Carnetta's Journey to an Oscar, and Playhouse West (if I forgot anyone I am sorry.) I have over $30,000 in student loans, but I've loved every single minute of it, because if you want to be a great actor, you have to study. So I study. I've spent countless of dollars on postcards; casting services; headshot printing, uploading, and shoots; business cards; mailings; and a website because those are the tools that will market you to agents and casting directors and they get you the jobs. So I market. I was finally brave enough to take a short film script I kept hidden for years and share it with others. I couldn't find a producer to guide me through filmmaking so with a few tidbits from friends and God I stepped up and became my own. I hired a cast and crew of 30 people and together we created a beautiful film, because I've been in LA for 8 years and I came to LA to act. So I made an opportunity to act.
They don't tell you about this stuff on TV. About the time. And the money. And the tears. It's lonely, and terrifying and everyday I wish God would've made me a doctor. Nothing about this business is guaranteed, I've been here for 8 years and still can't even pay my phone bill consistently on acting alone. I could be here another 8 years to no avail... but I've got mama. And I got my heart. And I've got a desire, and when I'm in "it", like really so deep in a character, in a zone... it's God. And I can't, won't stop. And as long as I've got my imagination, God and a keyboard, I'll never be unemployed. I'm an actor, you can keep your "aspiring", I've paid my dues.
I'm sharing an entry from my diary. Usually I keep my feelings to me, my notepad, and my mama. I don't share my peresonal business, but here it is. Thursday, November 20, 2014 Yesterday Evan, Chris's ex,s aid "Nigga" right in from of my face and I did nothing. It’s kinda ironic because I’d just finished declaring my disdain for Brandon Banderas, a mutual AMDA friend. Unbeknownst to Chris, I stopped liking Brandon for almost the same reason. We were all at Debra's. High. And Brandon said the ‘N-word’. And everyone got really quiet. I don’t even want to finish this story. I’m so tired of everything having to be my issue. But I was offended and I didn’t say anything. So I didn’t stick up for myself.
I’m so tired of being offended. This word has so much power. So much weight. So much bad, ugly, horrific, gut wrenching, sad, sad, sad, sad history.
I don’t want to! I’m tired of carrying the weight of Nigger.
I’m tired of carrying the weight of nigga.
Why would anyone, someone want to call another human being ‘that’ knowing all the history and pain behind it? Have we forgotten? Is our generation so blessedly progressive that we no longer feel the pain on it? Can we no longer hear the cries? Remember the plight?
So disassociated we can’t even fathom for one moment Are we numb? Forward thinking? Beyond it? So filled with love for one another?
Or blasphemous? Ignorant? Ungrateful? Stupid? Unfeeling?
I feel the distaste and despite of myself I still say it to be cool, current, shocking, appealing.
Emotional lashes. I refuse to bear Chipping away at my soul For the sake of a Nicki Minaj verse Fear of the loss of a friend My soul is worth more.
The guilt alone is unbearable. I have to look at myself in the mirror.
I am a bleeding, feeling, crying spirit
And I feel it. I’m aware. I remember.
And I carry the weight of nigger.
But maybe I’m just close minded.
A century behind my brilliant minded, tech savy, hashtag, Instagram generation.
STEPHON kissed me in the spring, Robin in the fall, But Colin only looked at me And never kissed at all.
Stephon's kiss was lost in jest, Robin's lost in play, But the kiss in Colin's eyes Haunts me night and day. - Sara Teasdale
8 “When
someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor,
for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited.9
If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give
this person your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the
least important place.10
But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host
comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then
you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests.11 For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
Luke 14:8-11
As an up and coming actress I'm often working in various areas of the industry. I think it's important to be familiar with every component of acting. I've been a casting assistant, production assistant, 2nd A.D., and receptionist for a smaller independent studio. I've worked at several events such as the New Music Seminar, an Oscar viewing party, The Showbiz Expo, and most recently the Kelly Price Grammy Party.Working in these various positions and seeing celebrities, interacting with them, is a jewel. I get a glimpse at their real personlities. I'm not famous or a fan at that moment, to them I'm just a lowly assistant so there's no facades or performances put upon. I've come to realize the truly successful people, the game changers; the bar setters; record breakers, handle themselves with such grace and humility. More often than not it's the C-List celebrities, the one who's done maybe one or two big films or has been in a television show a while back; they look familiar but you can't place where you know them from, that are the absolute divas. A lesson to be learned there... Is humility a huge factor in your success?
I'm a very creative person. Or atleast I like to think so. lol I have a new brilliant idea every two days and between those: millions of great, mediocre, and just plain silly ones. Yet I rarely ever get any of them done. My problem is I dream big....
I wrote a short film a year ago, but never shot it because I couldn't find the perfect camera. I was going to make a mixtape, but didn't start on it because I didn't like the quality of the studio. I didn't start on my website until I had the perfect photos for it... Are you getting where I'm going with this?
More often times than not, I shoot myself in the foot. Missing golden opportunities to showcase my talent because I have caviar taste. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, I want things to be perfect! But sometimes it pays to just get out your digital camera and let your talent speak for itself. Showcase yourself! We have such an amazing asset with the internet. Don't waste it. Don't over think it. Just get it done!
Khalilah Joi Dubose The winning monologue in the 2009 American Black Film Festival....
As an actress living in California, I naturally crave conversations with friends and family back home. I rely on them for more than just support and laughter. Conversations with them are blessed and much needed moments of fresh air when you're living in the oh so foggy and rather delusional streets of Hollywood, but sometimes........ they be tripping. I get asked some of the most rude, candid, and downright silly questions about my career. I'm up to my ear in unwanted advice and home made tips and tricks, and that's just from people at the bus stop. It seems like every where I go someone has input....
Are you with one of those extra agencies? Have you tried Central Casting?
Extra Agency- An agency that concentrates specifically on getting you background work. You pay a fee of maybe $35 (not all of them charge) and they provide you information in how to submit to extra roles. A casting service for extra work.
NO!!!!!! I refuse to invest in anything that will permanently get me background work. I didn't move to California to become a professional background artist. Mind you, extra work is a nice little side hustle, if you need quick money (they pay cash, the same day) or just want to get experience on set, but that's it; a side hustle. You do not invest in side hustles.
I have been blessed in having the ultimate experiences with doing extra work, so again I am for it. I did "The Back-up Plan" with Jennifer Lopez, one of my first background gigs, and became SAG Eligible. People usually work as background for years before doing that. Another time I did background work for "Chihuahua: The Move" and was bumped up to a supporting role with lines, several scenes, and a character name. I also worked my butt off on that set making sure the director and everyone else on it knew my name. So there are instances where extra work pays off, but they're extremely rare. I've been blessed.
Do you have an agent?
I do not. I've had two agents that I've had to let go, so I am currently unrepresented. I've heard several people whom I respect very much opinions on this topic and they all vary upon the person. Most say "Focus on Getting an Agent First." They feel as an actor your effort shouldn't be put on finding the gig, rather find an agent who will find the gigs for you. Sounds logical, I don't agree.
I'm a big fan of "Do the Work and the Agent Will Come." You can spend forever trying to get the perfect agent, mean while you haven't done an ounce of acting. I've seen it. I moved to California to act. Acting is the goal! I am submitting to agencies, but acting trumps that. If I hear about a project I want to be in, I focus on getting an audition for that project myself, through the casting director, director, producer, whoever I have to go through. If that means I'm not sending out agency submissions that week, so be it. Acting is the goal! You get enough credits and the agents call you. I doubt Gabourey Sidibe or Lauren London had to bang on too many agents' doors.
Why don't you just call Tyler Perry? He's always making movies...
*Sigh* Where do I even start with this one? Grandma... if you can get Tyler Perry's phone number, give it to me and I will call him.
I'm thinking about visiting for Pilot Season, can you line me up some auditions?
Bwahahahahahahaha!!! This is my probably my favorite question.... No I will not, but I will put you on to the process of how to get yourself an audition. First, we're going to start with how to get an audition for the "Mom and Pop" pilots. Those are the people who realize it's pilot season midway through so they call up their home boy with a digital camera and decide to write and shoot one in the basement because they've done plenty of music videos before so they figure it can't be that hard.... "Mom and Pop" Pilots because you don't have time for NBC/FOX/HBO/ETC, the audition process for those are at least two weeks long, you're only staying for one. Bummer!
"Mom and Pop" Pilots
First, pay $200 for a headshot. Pay $14 for a casting service account. Pay $30ish to have those photos uploaded on said casting service account. Submit and wait for an audition.... Now you don't have much of a resume because you haven't done any real work in LA, you're just coming out on vacation, buuuuuuuuut this is a "Mom and Pop" pilot so you'll get the audition. Audition and wait for the callback....... Awww snap your vacation is over!
When are you going to move out of your mama's house?
Hmmmm.... well. Would I rather act or get a job, work full time to pay the rent and have absolutely no time to act, then wind up mean and bitter because I'm not doing what I came out here for?.... Act. Plus, I love my mama.
Why aren't you famous yet?
Why aren't you a doctor yet? You been in school for four years now, you ain't doing no surgery yet? You ain't saving no lives? You ain't got no lab coat? Dang girl! What you doing?
Acting is my career. As with any career it takes time. There's years of training, followed by grunt work, and slowly but surely you work your up the ladder. Just because you finally learned who Viola Davis was doesn't mean "The Help" was her first movie. She's put in work! She went to Julliard: 4 years of training. According to her IMDB she's been racking up credits since 1996 and who knows what plays and films she did before then that aren't registered. Stories like Gabourey Sidibe are the very blessed exceptions, not the rule. A career, takes time. Frankly anything long lasting takes time and a huge amount of effort. I want a long lasting career.
It is fair to say 2011 was lacking in black cinema. As an African American movie goer starving for black faces in great content, Anthony Mackie was not enough. Though he did hold us down in 2011! I am ecstatic to say the year has just begun, yet things are looking up for black cinema! Way up! There's a Denzel film, a young girl's coming of age story, a George Lucas film, a few African American independents, and A Tyler Perry Film... and these are only the releases in January and February! Oooooooooh yeah!
PARIAH in theaters NOW!!!
There's been so much buzz around this film and I was finally able to check it out this past weekend. Now mind you I'd heard about the film for months, but had no idea what it was about, so imagine my surprise when I realized the film was about a young lesbian...
Dealing with the strain of her parents' already rocky marriage, our 17 year old heroine Alike, played by Adepero Oduye, embraces her developing identity as a lesbian. The story is beautifully told, heart touching with glimpses of humor when needed. As a heterosexual viewer, not once did I feel uncomfortable or find the content too risque. I was able to relate to her story as a developing young person.
The film is blessed with it's own HOUSEHOLD NAME with Miss Kim Wayans. Known mostly for her hilarious characters in "In Living Color", Miss Wayans fiercely dives in the serious acting waters and comes out shining! Some one has their eyes on an Academy Award and taking roles like this, I'd say it's in the near future...
Now if that's not enough, one of the producers is Spike Lee... enough said. ! It's a Focus Feature film with limited theater showings, so send a message to the "money" in Hollywood and support the film! Find a theater near you...http://focusfeatures.com/pariah/theatres
REDTAILS
in theaters January 20
I'm so excited to go and see this movie. It's a George Lucas film about the Tuskegee Airmen.... umm sounds good to me. You've got action. It's inspirational. Historical. Moving and empowering for black people. Pluuuuuuusssssssss there's eye candy for days with my future husband Tristan Wilds (Mmmmmmmmm), Terence Howard, Nate Parker, Cuba Gooding Jr (don't deny it, the man is handsome), Ne-Yo and Elijah Kelley (whom I met briefly on New Years and can confidently say is fiiiiiiiiiine in person). Black faces EVERYWHERE!!!Who's going with me to see it?
Catch the trailer below and a link to the full cast and crew. :) IMDB - Page
Black writer, black director, black drivers. They are getting it in and I have to support it. The film opens with limited AMC theaters. NEW YORK and LOS ANGELES ONLY!!!! Go see it!
Denzel. Denzel. DENZEL WASHINGTON! Safe House is an action thriller where the rookie CIA Agent (Ryan Reynolds) is in charge of keeping tabs on long time fugitive (Denzel Washington), who once was a member of the CIA himself. Things take a turn for the worse when the Safe House is attacked and it seems like there might be internal corruption involved.... Sounds familiar to me, but are there really any new plots nowadays???? Either way I'll be seeing it. I loooooove action thrillers, you can never go wrong with Denzel, and Ryan Reynolds' body is INSAAAAAAANE!!!! Here's hoping for a slow motion wet suit peel off..... Mmmmmm oh yeah. ;)
EXIT STRATEGY
in theaters February 10
I feel slightly invested in this film, it could be because I've had the pleasure of working with both the lead actor (Jameel Saleem) and producer/actress (Danette Wilson). It's always nice to see someone you know making it happen FOR THEMSELVES.
In the movie, James (SALEEM) gets evicted from his apartment and moves
in with his girlfriend of three months Kim (WEATHERS) and quickly
discovers she's everything he never wanted in a woman. He enlists best
friends Carville (HARRIS), Leona (NOELLE BALFOUR) and strangers BIG BOY
and KEVIN HART to find a relationship exit strategy, but for Kim, breaking up just isn't an option.
This film is showing in select theaters so everyone in the PHILADELPHIA AREA GO SEE IT!!! It's showing at the AMC Loews Cherry Hill 24 and AMC Franklin Mills Mall 14. And for everyone else demand it in your cities! DEMAND IT! Support good content and check out the trailer below for this unromantic comedy.... lol I love that!
Written, produced, directed by and starring Tyler Perry... HOLD UP!!! Without Madea! However it still seems to fit in the TPS(Tyler Perry Studios) format. A great cast with Thandie Newton, Phylicia Rashad, Brian White, and Gabrielle Union. I'll go see it... this looks pretty good.
THINK LIKE A MAN in theaters March 9
I can not wait to see this movie!!!!! I love black romantic comedies and this film is giving me EVERYTHING!!! Taraji P. Henson, Meagan Good (LOOOOOOOVE HER), Terence J's little cute self, and celebrity cameos out the wazoo. lol
Gabrielle Union is back to what she does best! I like Gabrielle awkward and uptight, in need of a good man. lol She plays it so well. :D
Michael Ealy rugged! :D He's a pretty boy, but he plays gritty so well (Barbershop, Miracle at St. Anna, Their Eyes Were Watching God). I looove me some pretty boys, but I like them manly too. With Ealy you get the best of both worlds, on screen anyway. ;)
I am sooo in love with Kevin Hart right now. The man is HILARIOUS and adorable. Anything with Kevin Hart in it, I'm already there. He's at the high light of his career, but ummm when are we going to see Kevin in a leading role....
IMDB..."The biggest, best, most award-winning movie site on the planet"
And I've finally got my own page!
IMDB, or the Internet Movie Database, is the one collective website with all you need to know about film and television. It has just about every movie or television show ever made: who acted in it, worked in the crew, when and where it was film, if it won any awards etc... For actors it lists every project they've worked on and are working on in the future. It is where you want to be and I finally have a page. It's like a virtual business card. You seem more professional with it; a working actress... I have a profile on the same site as Halle Berry. lol One step closer.... Operation Household Name. :D
