Playing It Safe

Sometimes I feel like I get in my own way. Like I make it impossible for people to form truly meaningful relationships with me, be it romantic or platonic. I feel this way a lot, in all aspects of my life. I feel like I don’t give enough to my career. Like my whole life I’ve played in neutral. Not totally fucking it up(Sorry mama), but not aggressively pursuing anything. Anything.

I was an average student in high school. I passed all my tests with As but refused to do homework. I wasn‘t outright failing but I didn’t put out any effort to make anything above a C. I wasn’t really in any clubs. I ended up in the Theatre program only because I didn’t make the Musical Theatre program. I was on the step team for maybe a month, but never performed. I’ve never really pursued any friendships I just hung out with people who hung out with me. I’ve played my entire life in auto-pilot. Giving just enough to get by. Why?


What can I do to break out of this shell? It truly feels like I’m fighting myself sometimes. I’m stuck in a mediocre frame of living. I can see myself gliding through life and I’m fighting, but… I’m terrified. Terrified that if I actually, genuinely, give all of me and fail…

Nevertheless, I’m working on it. Fighting everyday to live. I falter as every one does and there are days where the fear brings on depression and I won‘t get out of bed, but then there are times where I’m out in the world: taking chances, stopping traffic, pursuing my dreams. It’s a work in progress, but I want to live and live vigorously.

Operation Household Name - December Edition

A video blog updating you on what's happening in the Queendom. ;)

From my heart and my mind to you.... Check it out!
Operation Household Name the December edition!

http://shoniquashandai.blogspot.com/
http://twitter.com/#!/shoniquashandai
http://www.youtube.com/shoniquashandai
http://resumes.actorsaccess.com/shoniquashandai
www.facebook.com/pages/Shoniqua-Shandai/212602495988

Operation Household Name

Bonnie Pointer "Strangest Day"

"Stuck Like Glue" - Sugarland Music Video

Check me out! I play a hooker. ;)

The New Colored Girls Postcard

Follow on Twitter @GLPColoredGirls
Facebook Fan Page Gary Levingston's Colored Girls

The Pilferer

A short film I did during my spring break. Its a silent film & it's hilarious.
Directed by Alamada Karatihy
Starring Shoniqua Shandai & Steve Swift

Enjoy!!!

The Pilferer 

ITS OUT!!!

I saw The Back-Up Plan twice the day it came out. lol. I have a substantial amount of face time. lol. For those of you that haven't seen it yet here are some pics of me on set... just so you'll know what to look for. lol.

Oooooh and here's the behind the scenes footage of the show I hosted. Sort of a mix of 106 & Park meets TRL but for House music. I edited the video myself. lol If you can't tell... I styled myself by the way. I'm soooo proud. lol
EDM (Electronic Dance Music) Takeover

LIFE IS A BOX OF CHOCOLATE & I'M GRABBING ALL MY FAVORITE PIECES!

It's been a while. I apologize. My computer broke and they had to ship it off to the mother station or some crap like that... I'm sorry.

Anywho... SOOO MUCH HAS HAPPENED!!!
(awkwardly walks to the front of the classroom) uh hrmm (clears throat) During my spring break...

I filmed 2 movies. TWO!!!

And I hosted a tv show. Yupp!!

I went to the music studio. Uh huh I did!

I got rid of some baggage. I let go and let God!

I gained a couple of friends and we've been on some adventures. 

ANNNNNNNND I've had a little excitement in the romance area of my life.

I AM MAKING MOVES!!! LIFE IS A BOX OF CHOCOLATE & I'M GRABBING ALL MY FAVORITE PIECES!

Since it'll be crazy to break down each and every thing thats happened... I'll post videos. :)

Griffith Park Observatory
One of my friends and I went to Griffith park. It was soooooo much fun. Her name is Javalan, she's funny &, I met her while performing at LACC she's an actress too. There are pictures as well.

By the way I didn't cut my hair. Thats what happens when I wash it and don't do anything to it. I like it! What do you think?

For Colored Girls...

Has been going very well. We've had two photoshoots and my first private rehearsal. Our director, Alexia Robinson, is PHENOMENAL!!!!

Promo Video

Photoshoots

Okay I'll put up everything else at a later date. I'm using the school's computer and I've been on for over an hour now & there's a line.... Til then. *Muah

Ooooooh..... one more thing!!!!!

 I forgot to tell you I also got new headshots & they're awesome!!! Posting pics later. =D

One step for mankind, A giant leap for Shoniqua Shandai

     Today I talked to someone I normally wouldn't have. A young lady stopped me on the street and asked me what profession I was in. She said she "models" and "acts". She wants to get into the industry and is unsure of how to and she wanted a friend. Lmao! Don't we all? Several times I attempted to blow her off and she would not leave me alone.

     Then I thought of Joyce Meyers. My mother was watching a sermon of hers several days ago. At the time it was early in the morning, I was hurriedly getting ready for an audition, as I usually am, and I was in a bad mood. I didn't think I was listening, but apparently my spirit was. Joyce was preaching on humility. Humbling ourselves is so detrimental, but few do it. Who are you to think you're better than anyone? Who decides that what you say is so much more interesting than what anyone could possibly come up with? Others' words are just as important, if not more, than our own.

     This bothersome woman, whom I was failingly trying to escape from, what made her unworthy of my conversation? If this was Beyonce or anyone else I felt could help my career, I'd have gladly stopped mid-step. Forget missing my bus, this person can do something for me!

     I don't want to be an unbalanced being. Talking more than listening. Receiving before giving. Today was a step towards becoming a better Shoniqua. 

     I gave that young black woman my phone number and actually listened. I didn't tune her out, which is my go to. lol I heard her… and in our very brief interaction I gave her the best advice I could think of on the spot, "Go on Lacasting.com, It has everything." lol And even if nothing comes of this. She never calls. She never acts a day in her life. I gave today, what have you done?

"No, Father. The Moon's Reaching For Me."

     When I was a little girl riding in the back seat of my mother's beat up Chevrolet, during the day time I'd read, but at night... on those rides through the winding roads of Richmond, VA, I'd look at the sky and there he'd be. Every night. No matter where I was. Or how torturous the previous day had been. He'd be there. My friend, the moon.
     We'd giggle, and gossip, and play games. He was always best at hide-and-seek. I'd ball up and close my eyes for a full verse of whatever song was playing on the radio, and when my eyes opened he was always there. My friend, the moon. He followed me. He loved me. I forgot.

     I'm a sharer. Not of my things, I'm stingy with those. And ask any man whose attempted to date me and he'll tell you the #1 thing I'm stingy with, but there's one thing I've given freely since before my car rides with the moon. My thoughts. Be it through fashion, the stage, writings, or conversation. I love to share.

     Unfortunately when I lost my friend, I stifled some of my gifts. For the first time I became the listener. Not to build up in selflessness or because I was particularly interested in what others had to say, but I was afraid. I went from a world in neon colors where everything was cotton candy. I was the ruler, and there was no such thing as "You can't" or "Impossible." I went to sleep one night and when I awoke the world was ugly. People were cruel. Colors were drab, and it stank. So, I became quiet. I forgot.

     I listened and I learned. I've been quiet for almost 10 years now. As I've grown, in spurts I remember what the world was before. A world where everyone was beautiful, regardless of color; shape; or anything exterior. Ugly people were simply the mean people. Every day I remember more. Every day I become more and more of what I used to be.

     I'm not like you. I'm not of this world. I'm an empress from a world that's far more advanced than here. But during my bleak existence amongst this very drab universe, I've learned alot.

1. Not everyone love you.

2. Not everyone is nice.

3. It's okay to listen. When you're quiet you observe, and observations surpass anything anyone can tell you.

     Hopefully before I go, there are lessons this world can learn from me. If not, than what am I here for? I'm a very important being, take notes. The moon follows me.

Colored Girls

I'm in 2 plays! :)
Here's a picture from the photoshoot for one of them.

Gary Levingston presents Colored Girls coming to a theater near you.
June 19 - Aug. 7 at The Whitefire Theater
Directed by Alexia Robinson

I'm really excited about it. :)

IF

I fell victim to the quiet again. lol

IF

It astounds me how alone one person can feel,

As if my overall being is consumed with it.

Pores oozing it.

Disgusting all possible friendships & love affairs with its stench.

A cloud of bitterness tracked by vultures of fear and anguish.

Distracting myself with chasing the dream.

Head down running.

Blood pumping, perspiring.

 Grasping goals.

Because maybe when I'm there they'll see.

When I'm where I want to be they'll see.

But that hunger.

That drive.

That distraction.

Only begets more odor.

Alone but chasing.

Because one day you'll see.

What's In A Name?

It was my first homework assignment from acting class and I thought it would make a great blog. :)


Shoniqua Shandai Williams

    My mother was a flyy girl and my father a street king. They called him Shadu, for some reason or another, and he insisted on having the Sha live on. Unfortunately, he wasn't there when I was born and my mother under the influence of an epidural wrote Shoniqua, S-H-O-N-I-Q-U-A, on my birth certificate instead of the S-H-A my father wanted. Personally I think she did it out of spite because he wasn't there.
    My grandmother, the creative genius in our family, came up with my middle name. Shandai. I think it describes me rather well. Shandai, soft and feminine with a bit of a kick. Misleading and underestimated, it always takes several tries to figure it out. She's so much more than what you gather at first glance. Shandai. She sounds like royalty and I always consider myself to be a queen, but Shoniqua on the other hand.
    Shoniqua. I know it breaks my mother's heart, but I still am not that big a fan of it. I feel it's the cornerstone of the ghetto. You hear Shoniqua and you automatically think hood, and that's so not me, maybe in spite of my name even. I go out of my way to be what I feel is the epitome of ladylike and class. I have to try harder because any mistake I make is thrown back to the stereotype of my name.
    I've been changing my name since the fourth grade, maybe earlier. I've been Latasha, Latoya, and Cheniqua with a C-H-E. Charlie Cool, courtesy of my father. Bobbie, Rockie, Janet, Queen, and Oliver Rose.
    I can sort of gage how people will react prior to introductions. I love when old men or foreign people first hear it. They naturally assume it's exotic and I can see there minds absorbing it. Saying it. Spelling it. Sounding it out. "Shaw-ni-kwah", "Shoooo-neee-kuh." I live for those moments! Then there are the imbeciles, who are few and far between, but they stand out like a sore thumb. The ones who transform into the highest form of idiocy imaginable. Losing all connections with tact and home training, suddenly this Malibu Snow Bunny who's never seen a day west of La Brea morphs into this neck swiveling, eye rolling, professional hood rat and in the best impression of everything "urban" she's ever seen rolled into one gives me the "Awwwww shit!!! Whassup boo?"
    I refuse to let those mediocre interactions determine my self-worth. I've been changing my name since the fourth grade, maybe earlier, but now, recently I am Shoniqua Shandai, no Williams. I've lived in the hood. My mother was a single parent. I will never be a size 2. I wear my hair natural and Honey, catch me on a bad day I just might curse ya ass out. I love black men, watermelon, macaroni & cheese, but most of all, I love me. I'm uniquely and indefinably me and every stereotype in the world won't change that.

Lesson Learned

Twice reaffirmed, I don't need a third time.

Two times, within days of each other and in impeccably different ways, I've learned the lesson that I need to have more respect for myself. I get it. If I don't respect me, no one else will. Knowing this I should expect to be hurt, but with or without preparation heartache doesn't feel good.

It hurts. I don't like being taken advantage of. I don't like having people who I thought were my friends blatantly disrespect me. Am I misleading myself?

I feel like I carry myself as a confident woman. I feel like a queen, most of the time, but when it comes down to it I'm still the same girl from Richmond, VA, who heard what they said and ignored it. Head held high, but walking alone in silence. Well, no more.

I understand I can't fight every battle, but no longer will I just sit. I'll take it one battle at a time, until... Until I see myself the way God sees me, even if I have to lie to myself. I refuse to be disrespected. Or ignored. Or taken advantage of. I will not keep the woman I could be imprisoned because I'm afraid. No longer will I be a victim of words unsaid. No longer will I toss and turn at night in shame and embarrassment at my own cowardice.

Look out, World! You've unleashed a being yet seen. No one can stop what God has for me. No one. Not even me. Message. Received. 

WHO WAS ON DURING THE SUPER BOWL?!!!

The trailer for The Back-up planned aired during THE SUPER BOWL!!!! Of course I missed it because it came on right after my mother decided to change the channel. GRRR!!!! :{

Anywho... it's a shorter spot containing exclusively the scene I'm in. Check it out!



Until next time... Muah!

Infinite Love & Blessings,
Shoniqua Shandai ;)

God Keeps Telling Me To Shut Up

      I love singing, even more so than acting. :-O Yeah, I said it. But I rarely do it. I truly don't think I'm that great of a singer and it doesn't help that the people around me are absolutely spectacular at it. lol Recently my doubts have gotten really bad. I've had several solo arguments with God about it and I've even considered giving it up, but I just LOOOOVE doing it so much.
      Yesterday, I wrapped on Chihuahua: The Movie and the Sound Mixer gave me his business card, lo and behold the sound guy works in music. :) He has a studio and writes music and is "always in the need of singers". Could this be a sign?
      Later on we're discussing music and one of the producers comes over and asks me to sing. My heart stops. OH GAH!!! I open my mouth and belt out Aretha praying all the way that I don't crack. Everyone on set stops whatever they're doing and listens. *sigh* When I finish they roar and I'm pretty ecstatic. I exit to well wishes and hugs.
      Later on I sign out in the office and both of the producers are having a discussion. Greg, the producer who asked me to sing, has two movie ideas in mind, one circling around a singer. *wink* I won't give too much info because I'm not sure what I'm allowed to say and what I'm not and I really don't want to jinx myself. But long story short, I inspired him to want to make a movie about a singer. I did extra work on one of his last projects and he remembered my amazing attitude from that.... :-D What a way to wrap a movie?
      Today I started shooting The Untitled Gospel Project. The director is also the writer, star actress, producer, casting director, editor, and is composing the soundtrack. ROTFLMAO! Now it sounds bad and terribly unprofessional, but its not. We're filming in a nice location with a pretty great crew. Everything is going ahead of schedule and the script is good. The woman is multitasking her ass off and it works for her. We wrap my scene of the day and sit and talk. She asks me to sing the title track for the soundtrack!!! SERIOUSLY?!!! All of this in two days and that's not even all that has happened, but just the major things.
      When God moves he moves. I really don't know why I continue to doubt. I went through this before and he showed me I was on the right path. It's like I praise him for the miracles and forget or something distracts, and I'm right back to doubting. Then he has to go and prove himself again. It's an endless cycle. Well I'm done doubting! God didn't make me to sound like Beyonce. Or Aretha. Or Tatiana McConnico. lol. I'm Shoniqua Shandai. A Queen. Beautiful, funny, well-dressed lol, intelligent, a phenomenal actress, and a bad ass singer. Greatness comes in individuality and I'm embracing my Queendom!

 

What a way to start a new year....

My older sister in Virginia text me while she was in the movie theater, she had seen me in the trailer for The Back-up Plan. I'm soooooo excited. The movie releases in April and stars Jennifer Lopez. I had such an amazing 3 days (lol) on set. I feel like I'm starring in it, but this small, small role is only reinforcement. I'm where I'm supposed to be and I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. Check me out! lol 2:16 on the left in pink. rotfl!!! Happy New Years. I'M FAMOUS! :D

Now I just have to find out what movie she went to see... I want to see how I look on the big screen. ;)