God Keeps Telling Me To Shut Up

      I love singing, even more so than acting. :-O Yeah, I said it. But I rarely do it. I truly don't think I'm that great of a singer and it doesn't help that the people around me are absolutely spectacular at it. lol Recently my doubts have gotten really bad. I've had several solo arguments with God about it and I've even considered giving it up, but I just LOOOOVE doing it so much.
      Yesterday, I wrapped on Chihuahua: The Movie and the Sound Mixer gave me his business card, lo and behold the sound guy works in music. :) He has a studio and writes music and is "always in the need of singers". Could this be a sign?
      Later on we're discussing music and one of the producers comes over and asks me to sing. My heart stops. OH GAH!!! I open my mouth and belt out Aretha praying all the way that I don't crack. Everyone on set stops whatever they're doing and listens. *sigh* When I finish they roar and I'm pretty ecstatic. I exit to well wishes and hugs.
      Later on I sign out in the office and both of the producers are having a discussion. Greg, the producer who asked me to sing, has two movie ideas in mind, one circling around a singer. *wink* I won't give too much info because I'm not sure what I'm allowed to say and what I'm not and I really don't want to jinx myself. But long story short, I inspired him to want to make a movie about a singer. I did extra work on one of his last projects and he remembered my amazing attitude from that.... :-D What a way to wrap a movie?
      Today I started shooting The Untitled Gospel Project. The director is also the writer, star actress, producer, casting director, editor, and is composing the soundtrack. ROTFLMAO! Now it sounds bad and terribly unprofessional, but its not. We're filming in a nice location with a pretty great crew. Everything is going ahead of schedule and the script is good. The woman is multitasking her ass off and it works for her. We wrap my scene of the day and sit and talk. She asks me to sing the title track for the soundtrack!!! SERIOUSLY?!!! All of this in two days and that's not even all that has happened, but just the major things.
      When God moves he moves. I really don't know why I continue to doubt. I went through this before and he showed me I was on the right path. It's like I praise him for the miracles and forget or something distracts, and I'm right back to doubting. Then he has to go and prove himself again. It's an endless cycle. Well I'm done doubting! God didn't make me to sound like Beyonce. Or Aretha. Or Tatiana McConnico. lol. I'm Shoniqua Shandai. A Queen. Beautiful, funny, well-dressed lol, intelligent, a phenomenal actress, and a bad ass singer. Greatness comes in individuality and I'm embracing my Queendom!

 

What a way to start a new year....

My older sister in Virginia text me while she was in the movie theater, she had seen me in the trailer for The Back-up Plan. I'm soooooo excited. The movie releases in April and stars Jennifer Lopez. I had such an amazing 3 days (lol) on set. I feel like I'm starring in it, but this small, small role is only reinforcement. I'm where I'm supposed to be and I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. Check me out! lol 2:16 on the left in pink. rotfl!!! Happy New Years. I'M FAMOUS! :D

Now I just have to find out what movie she went to see... I want to see how I look on the big screen. ;)

New Years Goal

I want another tattoo. lol "A Cookie Cutter Outline of Noah's Ark"

Noah was fierce.

Despite the whole world and his family doubting him and probably commenting on his sanity behind his back (some to his face), Noah did what God told him to.

I want to be like Noah.

Strong. Detemined. Driven. Righteous.

"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me." - Matthew 5:11

Follow your dreams. Follow your heart. Only you and God know whats right for you.
Greatness comes in individuality... Embrace your Queendom!

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

$3,800 Full Skirt, Norma Kamali

"Hatin' On The Club" Rihanna feat. The-Dream

Its only fair if something makes you feel so good and uplifts your mood, that you're entitled to tell someone else about it.

I was in the crappiest mood. I'd slept for 20 hrs straight. lol That's bad. My head was hurting. I was feeling dizzy and anxious. My first batch of anxiety in a very long time. So I put on music and nothing was making me feel better. Beyonce, Trey Songz, Tyga, Toni, even MJ wasn't working. Then this song came on. "Hatin' On The Club" Rihanna feat. The-Dream.

Needless to say, I've never exactly felt what she's describing in the song. The Non-existant aka My Love Life I've never heard about my man kissing someone else in the club, causing me to hate the club. lol The song just made me feel good.

Rihanna's voice fits the song perfectly. I don't think she's the best singer, but the way she changed my mood she could be the next Whitney Houston. The beat has a great energy about it and its easy enough with the catchy church hand clap underlaying. The-Dream penned it and everyone who knows me knows I LOVE THE-DREAM! The man is incredible, with hits like "Single Ladies" by Beyonce, "Umbrella" also by Rihanna, and "Bed" by J.Holiday.

So no ones confused "Hatin' On The Club" isn't a new song. It was recorded during the Good Girl Gone Bad sessions, but didn't make the album.

It makes me want to sing & dance = Anxiety gone = I feel better.

And it gave birth to my first official music review post. "Hatin' On The Club" will always have a special place in my heart. *wipes tear* lol

It's Been A While

Untitled

I love nothing the way that I love you.

Unconditional.

Without qualms or expectations even.

I watch you exploit me, continuously.

Ridicule. Abandon. Enchant, and yearn for another.

Idolize women whom are nothing like me.

My arms comfort you.

My words support and coddle you.

My body shelters, warms, and births you.

My love moves mountains.

And you.

You idolize every woman but me.

New. Different. Exotic. Not me.

Black man.

Just Another Sad Love Song

I haven't blurbed in a while. So here it is. lol   No poetry, nothing fancy. Just me ranting on   one topic. lol

Just Another Sad Love Song

I don't like love songs. They make me feel sad and lonely, yet I can't stay away from them. Is everyone out living this exciting, fulfilling, happy life accompanied by their soulmate who completes them in every way possible and dishes out mind-blowing sex 24/7? Am I missing out?

...AND THE SAD LOVE SONGS!

They're even more depressing. Not the actual stories they're telling, though they do get pretty rough, but the begging and crying. Someone was motivated by another human being enough to pour their hearts out and embarrass themselves for all of our benefit. I've never felt that longing for anything, well success and clothing... so does that make me superficial.

A man has yet to trump the way I feel about myself or my career or my favorite pair of shoes. I cried when I lost my burgundy guess purse and stiletto cowboy, burgundy, butterfly engraved, Nine West boots to match, (Moment Of Silence, Please. Those shoes were bad.) yet I never gave a damn about anyone of the opposite sex. A man hasn't moved me to create, write, or even play a love song on repeat and day dream in the dark. I do that for myself. lol That's my me time.

Does this stem from me never really knowing my father? I'm trying to counsel myself right now. lol My father has been incarcerated for most of my life and my mother fell a victim to project twins...

Project Twins

When a man gets two diff. women pregnant at the same time.

"Man, you hear about Rob?"

"Nah, what happened?"

"He got Denise & Sherrie pregnant at the same time."

"Ah ha! That nigga havin' 'Project Twins!'"

Courtesy of UrbanDictionary.com There's even a link where you can get the definition on a mug for $19.95 http://bit.ly/MxC9f

...and this is causing me to close myself off from guys as to not repeat the cycle. Likely, but pretty much bullshit. I haven't found a man worthy of me. I'm the shit and he should be too. Men step your game up. I'm getting bored.

A Letter to the Black Woman

This is a must hear... I've had it on repeat all morning.

It was 4am when I wrote this. And after, I realized the reason for my insomnia. I've always been a night person, but more often that not moments of uneasiness are replaying in my head. I believe I am my most vulnerable right before slumber, and thats when my words unsaid reek havoc.... How that moment should've went. What I should've said. Hence, I write a lot at night. lol

A Letter To The Black Woman

Black Woman!!!!!
What verification is required?
The touch of black lips? His warmth on your back? Protective arms?
A dreadlocked king?
The man that tainted your existence barefoot, crying, and kneeling for forgiveness?
A long lost parent’s smile of approval ? Hug of appreciation? Acknowledgement?
A Financial Security Blanket?
Acceptance from the ones who denied it?
What makes you so spiteful, full of self abhorrence, vindictive, judging, spitting putrid hate?

I love you.

More than you’ll ever know.
Black queens. Rulers of Mother Earth.
Your existence should be glorified.
Statues resurrected.
Power in your footsteps.
Brilliance in your glance.
Fingers of creativity.
Wombs of infinite blessings.

Stop it!
Diminishing yourselves.
Tolerating demons.
Justifying worthlessness.
Hating each other.
Hating ourselves.
Your venom kills.
Ripping tears of pity, sympathy, hate, and anger from me.
My heart bleeds for you.
Let me comfort & console you.
Let me love you for you.
Black woman.
Black queen.

Heres to making new and better memories

Heres a picture from my 1st performance in my 1st time starring in a play in Hollywood!!!! Starring not costarring, not even sharing a lead. I AM THE STAR!!! lol

Goodbye to Yesterday


Today I saw some old friends and they were still doing the same thing.
Hanging around the same place.
Traveling in the same maze.
I thank God for awareness.
I see my old patterns.
I thank God for strength.
I see them and I break them.
I thank God for wisdom.
A new path I seek.
I thank God for tomorrow and where ever he leads me.



I've been super busy. I apologize to myself for breaking my promise to me. WRITE. I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY! lol

The Woman I Want To Be

If I could change one thing about myself it would be my time management skills. lol Sometimes I wish I could be more driven and determined. Constantly working and always grinding. Everyday getting better, every moment well occupied... For those that know me, they are certainly aware that I'm improving and growing. lol So here's something I wrote about it, the woman I want to be.

Miss Efficiency

Whirlwinds of sound soaring through skies
A tunnel of memories
A speck in life's line
Hundreds of years here and forgotten
She carefully maneuvers through the paths of tomorrow
Seconds accounted
All tasks assigned
Swinging a net made of efficiency and pride
Catching goals and tackling dreams
Dodging sorrows
Avoiding all grief
Swooping up laughter, peace, and prosperity
Speeding through time
Amazingly fulfilled
Bundled with joy and a life well lived

A Glimpse Of Me

I'm so quick to spill my heart on paper when I'm upset, but rarely when I have good news. When I'm happy I'm too busy living it to share. Well, I booked my first play where I'm completely leading it. Go see it. lol
And heres my first dabble in happy poetry. I call it A Glimpse Of Me

A Glimpse Of Me

I am renewed
Spirits in high gear
Rainbows and Cotton Candy
White Mist and Bright Colors
Leaping and Flying
Happy Tears Rejoicing
I am becoming complete.
Growing and Reconnecting
Floating on clouds
Sea Breeze and Money Trees
Loving me